The Masks we Wear

Masks have been a reason for nightmares since i was a kid. Though popular with a notion of being funny, i hate them. To me masks are the most dangerous weapons ever invented by the human race. Not much of my ideology has changed with my maturity. We still wear masks, most of us! And live our life in a manipulated manner.

A musician applying for a job which restricts him to play any further shows, justifies the fact that he’ll leave music for the sake of the job, has wore mask. A dad pretending to be sick to reach home early to go out for a movie wears a mask. We are surrounded by millions of masked men and women. We hide our individuality behind the mask so that people can’t see our true colours and we are tuned to their needs and essentially forsaking our own. And i strongly believe this as the prime reason for problems behind every relationship. We don’t show our true colours at the start, pretend to be what the other person idealises us to be and finally end up being someone else. This is why most often we hear “you’re not the same man whom i love” or “you’re not the same woman i married”. We are so eager to present ourselves in a manner which is more appreciated by others that we forget we’re not what we are showing.

Almost everyone of us including me, we want to be accepted everywhere, may it be a job interview or a proposal. We want to be the smiling one. But a smile just costs you to be yourself everytime. Now most of you will put up this indispensable question, what if i show my true self and i get rejected? But atleast you won’t suffer and live a life where you’re allowed to think and act freely. Besides, there will be someone else who might need someone just the way you actually are, and you can be happily employed there. Not just that, you will be able to give your best. Suppose a guy wants to propose a girl. The girl is more into fantasy, dreams, music, dance and lives life like a free bird. But the guy is all packed up, no compromises, hates music, is basically a workaholic who hates everything else. If i ask you, will these two be perfect for a relationship? Obviously no! And if either of them pretends to be like the other, they will end up totally dissatisfied and a life full of sorrows. The same goes to our life in a generalised aspect.

We are so spellbound by the diversified manifestations that we want to fit amongst any such manifestation. But forget, we ourselves are manifested. And by not witnessing the unification of divine in it, we can’t be true to ourselves. Divinity in you is more expressive than suppressive, so express yourself. Be what you truly are and see the world grow lunatic after you.

 The people who love you, do it for what you are. And the people you want to impress don’t give a damn of what you do. So why bother so much. Live your life to the fullest, enjoy, have fun, love, do whatever you want in your own way. And the next time you witness a problem remember it was just because you showed someone what you aren’t truly you are facing it. So nourish your life with memories of yours and those who love you. Try understanding this cute line by a small girl

“sleeping was I in the deepest of nights, then came a masked man whose face was of my father, he removed the mask and kissed me on my cheeks, and then i saw him to be my father”

when i heard my heart Beat !!

I just finished my shower, and came to my room. I saw into the mirror, and i was frozen thinking about what’s gonna happen in a period of time. I had my first show at Chennai, starting in half an hour. I wore a white kurta, and brought back my cool. Performing at shows wasn’t a new stuff for me, but this time it was Chennai. I had no clue what kind was the crowd into, and i being a tablist could make what range of impression. The choice of the people varies according to the region. It’s like, when you go to Punjab, one has to transform into their pattern, like bhangra beats, which are more energetic than soothing, which will maintain the decorum of the audience’s adrenaline flow. When you go to cities like Delhi, there are people who are very enthusiast about the Indian classical music, and they do encourage it, so one has to get back to the books and prepare well. But for the case of southern part of India, it’s different. Here, the classical stuff which is the vibration of its own soil is carnatic. I heard carnatic music being played on doordarshan, my insight was restricted only to the tv show. Now the question was what pattern do i mould myself into to be appreciated by the crowd? Keeping my cool, i left my room for the show, called my mother, which i do every time i am confused. I don’t ask her for suggestions, i just listen to her voice and it solves the problem at least to 50 %. Anyways, mom was like, don’t worry son, you’ll do well. That boosted my confidence, but only to the extent, complan boosts a kid’s height. I had to play for the first two songs. As the saying goes, “the first impression is the last impression”, so was it in my mind that time. I had to give a good performance in order to make the audience remember the evening resounding with tabla beats. There was certain microphone problem, so the synthesizer couldn’t be fixed properly, they needed more time, as in around 20 minutes. But the audience had gone crazily lunatic screaming, i don’t know what happened to me, but i told to fix the microphone that works, to tabla, and you guys start repairing the other microphone. I was on stage now. I had to amuse the crazy crowd and entertain them for 20 minutes, that too solo! Having no other instrument to give the tune, and amuse the crowd with a piece of wood which most people have forgotten that it exists, that’s actually a herculean task. Now, the microphone was kept near it for the sound to reach everyone’s ears. So, this was my go, either I make them dance and live it, or have stones thrown at me. And believe me, if at any point, the audience weren’t satisfied, they won’t hesitate throwing whatever they got on you. I had to start for sure. I went clueless, a crowd of around 1000, staring at my hand movements. It was more of a test, my hands went chilled, and heart starting beating slow. I closed my eyes, i couldn’t see anything, i couldn’t hear the crowd howling, all i could hear was my heart beat. It was as if somebody took me in a time travel, where i am travelling faster than light, so my heart beat had reduced, i could count it, it went 1, 2, 3... i had to get back to the stage mentally else, situation may get worse, and then 9, and the 10th beat was a very long gap, it was as if somebody told me, “ don’t bother about what the people like, you are a musician, you got some talents, be proud of it. You play good, so no matter what kind of audience you face just play your way”. The last phrase was all i had in my brains “play your ways”. I opened my eyes, and am back to the stage. I started, to play with a very basic beat, and promised myself, am not gonna think what to play, just play. And i did so, i could feel the warmth of energy which was flowing through the crowd. That moment was magical. For me, it was all where i wanted to be. There was nothing before it, nothing after it, just me, my tabla that’s all. Even though i try to remember the beats i played that night, i can’t. They just don’t come to me. As if everything came from the heart and it went to my hands to play the tabla. I bookmark it as 1 of my finest shows, where even solo did a marvellous job. Though we all are at stage of transition, there are something’s you want to stick to, even though people call you old fashioned, i guess that’s because, it’s your identity. A hearty request to all of you reading, know yourself, you are worth knowing, and don’t change yourself just because someone else told you to, for god won’t be happy seeing you live somebody’s life, when he gave you yours.