when i heard my heart Beat !!

I just finished my shower, and came to my room. I saw into the mirror, and i was frozen thinking about what’s gonna happen in a period of time. I had my first show at Chennai, starting in half an hour. I wore a white kurta, and brought back my cool. Performing at shows wasn’t a new stuff for me, but this time it was Chennai. I had no clue what kind was the crowd into, and i being a tablist could make what range of impression. The choice of the people varies according to the region. It’s like, when you go to Punjab, one has to transform into their pattern, like bhangra beats, which are more energetic than soothing, which will maintain the decorum of the audience’s adrenaline flow. When you go to cities like Delhi, there are people who are very enthusiast about the Indian classical music, and they do encourage it, so one has to get back to the books and prepare well. But for the case of southern part of India, it’s different. Here, the classical stuff which is the vibration of its own soil is carnatic. I heard carnatic music being played on doordarshan, my insight was restricted only to the tv show. Now the question was what pattern do i mould myself into to be appreciated by the crowd? Keeping my cool, i left my room for the show, called my mother, which i do every time i am confused. I don’t ask her for suggestions, i just listen to her voice and it solves the problem at least to 50 %. Anyways, mom was like, don’t worry son, you’ll do well. That boosted my confidence, but only to the extent, complan boosts a kid’s height. I had to play for the first two songs. As the saying goes, “the first impression is the last impression”, so was it in my mind that time. I had to give a good performance in order to make the audience remember the evening resounding with tabla beats. There was certain microphone problem, so the synthesizer couldn’t be fixed properly, they needed more time, as in around 20 minutes. But the audience had gone crazily lunatic screaming, i don’t know what happened to me, but i told to fix the microphone that works, to tabla, and you guys start repairing the other microphone. I was on stage now. I had to amuse the crazy crowd and entertain them for 20 minutes, that too solo! Having no other instrument to give the tune, and amuse the crowd with a piece of wood which most people have forgotten that it exists, that’s actually a herculean task. Now, the microphone was kept near it for the sound to reach everyone’s ears. So, this was my go, either I make them dance and live it, or have stones thrown at me. And believe me, if at any point, the audience weren’t satisfied, they won’t hesitate throwing whatever they got on you. I had to start for sure. I went clueless, a crowd of around 1000, staring at my hand movements. It was more of a test, my hands went chilled, and heart starting beating slow. I closed my eyes, i couldn’t see anything, i couldn’t hear the crowd howling, all i could hear was my heart beat. It was as if somebody took me in a time travel, where i am travelling faster than light, so my heart beat had reduced, i could count it, it went 1, 2, 3... i had to get back to the stage mentally else, situation may get worse, and then 9, and the 10th beat was a very long gap, it was as if somebody told me, “ don’t bother about what the people like, you are a musician, you got some talents, be proud of it. You play good, so no matter what kind of audience you face just play your way”. The last phrase was all i had in my brains “play your ways”. I opened my eyes, and am back to the stage. I started, to play with a very basic beat, and promised myself, am not gonna think what to play, just play. And i did so, i could feel the warmth of energy which was flowing through the crowd. That moment was magical. For me, it was all where i wanted to be. There was nothing before it, nothing after it, just me, my tabla that’s all. Even though i try to remember the beats i played that night, i can’t. They just don’t come to me. As if everything came from the heart and it went to my hands to play the tabla. I bookmark it as 1 of my finest shows, where even solo did a marvellous job. Though we all are at stage of transition, there are something’s you want to stick to, even though people call you old fashioned, i guess that’s because, it’s your identity. A hearty request to all of you reading, know yourself, you are worth knowing, and don’t change yourself just because someone else told you to, for god won’t be happy seeing you live somebody’s life, when he gave you yours.