Unanswered Trial

Ever felt, like the walls of the room you’re sitting in at your house, strange? The paintings, the color, the fan, the ceiling, everything to be of someone you are not in direct or indirect relation with? I must confess I’ve felt like that a lot. I look at my parents, for an instance they’re close to me, someone whom I care about and the next instant they’re all just strangers, someone whom I’ve never known.  And that feeling persists for a while and keeps me occupied and thinking on what truly is my existence? Who am I? What exactly is my identity? Am I known for my parents or my family or by my achievements, but then I’m remembered of the ancient saying of Alexander the Great, “Keep my hands open while you put in my grave, that Alexander the Great, who had conquered almost the entire globe, could take nothing with him.”

Most of you reading this, would be considering me a victim of some mental illness, but trust me guys, I’m not. And to be honest, I know that you guys too feel it at times. It’s just that you avoid it at times, and I’m not able to hence I meet you with my bizarre thoughts here. Anyways, keeping my story aside, I would request all of you to stop for a moment and think. What exactly defines you? Your family, your accounts, your job! What exactly it is?

Dear fellas, it’s none. In the process of eking out a living, time and now we have forgotten our true identity. Just for an eye opener, what do you plan for your life? For a normal Indian guy, it would be getting a good job (by good I mean, good paying job), get married to beautiful woman who would only love him (and on an honest account, we guys are conservative). Then have kids, see them grow up. Make them individuals with moral and stuff, then retire, spend your last days with you better half.

BULLSHIT!!

 HOLY CRAP! YOU CALL THIS LIVING??

If you notice in the entire process, one’s focus is only to feed the giant tummy we all got. There’s no true identity to you, is there?

From a third person’s view I look at my life, damn it! It’s pathetic. Often now and then, I’m under depression. To search out answers I tend to yoga and bullshit. They all might just improve me from the instance I’m in. but in the long run, I’m again going to fall for it. There has to be a way where I could be happy, eternally.

On thinking further, I realize, maybe I’m not following what I’m meant to. In the course of making a living, I’ve forgot I’m not living. I’m dead. I’m just a piece of meat working to make money, feed my family! Jesus Christ! God I need some help.

Stroking my fag, I close my eyes, if I had a gun to my head, and asked what I would be if I had a second chance, and the true answer will give you life, the wrong one, a bullet. What would my answer be?

If you have an answer, you exactly know what your true identity is. If you are ready to give your life to it, I’m head steady that you’ll be one of the best in that field.

But if you’re like me, with no answer yet, you got to follow my blog more!

Different strokes for different folks!

Sitting in a corner, i look around at the fellas sitting around me. I probably can never understand people, with regards of their behaviour, and ideologies. People around me are so lunatic, which makes the whole surrounding ludicrous to me. Amongst the bunch of jack heads, some are at the lowest layer, while some are astoundingly brilliant amongst them, and they perceive to be the most intelligent mass. This conviction is more of a self-proclamation, as i see it.

Some are happy with what they have! Breathing, eating, sleeping, attending all their desires, and with a sense of contentment, they all presume to stay happy. It’s definitely true as they say “ignorance is bliss”. A clear personification of the phrase, are these mortal beings! Then there are some, who have some advanced brains, and they along with the above mentioned attributes, are either gifted or imbibe a sense in them. This sensibility makes them liable to earn money and look forward towards their own “holistic” development. They earn lots, and spend lots. Pretty simple statement is life to them. It’s the status, capital, and outlook that matters. These are those bunches of sick heads who are called to be the intelligent mass amongst the mortals.

There’s an ancient phrase in hindi “andhon men kana raja”. I truly feel, they are the manifestations of the above kind. To me, they all come under the same category, ignorant fools. They fight, quarrel, squeal for petty reasons and call themselves to have a very strong stance. These all “maverick” creatures are just a diversification of their own false egos, which winds up together in their death pyre.

Indeed there are some, who work for their passion and they thus deserve to some extent of my respect and reverence. Atleast they have some foresight and aren’t like the others. Still they all miss out the essence of their birth.

People claim to have understood me, and i’m confident most perceive me to be a patient of psychosis, but as the ancient Chinese poetry goes;

“ i live around the world presuming it to be a dream,

but what if i get up and find life itself to be a dream,

am i not watching a dream within a dream?”

i’m sure most reading this article would not be able to understand, except a few people with a similar thought process. I don’t like people much, nor do they like me. It’s a fair deal! Getting lost in my own thoughts and contemplating life as i see it, is my favourite pass time. It helps me keep awake all through night and yet stay smiling.

How can people stay content with so much of unknown in this world? How can people talk so much, as if they have all the knowledge of the world? How can people judge and criticize someone when they themselves are to be criticized?

What is it that makes people to go to mountains in search of within, when everything you need is right in you? It’s so difficult to see within when the outside is in a mission to uproot your devotion! When people try to belittle you, and drag you to a position in which they are! What chapter of morality deals with it? What if the people who call me a lunatic, are themselves lunatic, the other way around? All of them are lunatic, suffering from psychotic disorder, and they claim me to be irrational?

I’m sure these questions are those, which none have an answer, nor can anyone even attempt to answer! Comprehending my behaviour and criticizing me won’t make the whole scenario to have saved from the chaos. It’s in such a state that instead of trying to understand me, spend some time with yourself, know the true you within. And respect life, yours and others! Life is indeed beautiful; you just need to see from my eyes, and the whole divine originates from you.                                                                                                                  

Catastrophic Stereotypes

We all have been a victim of stereotypes. There’s a very little room for originality in our thoughts or in action. Lack of this sense has pulled us this far, that we are running short of natural resources and being vulnerable to both natural and artificial disasters. Price hikes, the fear of recession, uncertain job, and social problems of pollution, corruption and crap have been creeping into our lives and thus making it a living hell. All this, as i call it, is due to the stereotypes which are potent enough to bring down this magnificent creation of almighty.

I hope this example broadens your horizon, to the realm which i can see clearly. Suppose you’re driving your car in a desert. It’s sand all around except for the front and back where you can see the bituminous road (the usual roads). There’s nothing interesting in this road, it seems never ending and highly monotonous. Almost acting like a captive you’re following this road. You have got an option, follow the road, break the rules, get lost, and find a new way. The choice is entirely yours.

Every work in this world is stereotyped. This stereotyping has enforced us not to think of other ways to do the same job. The more we think about a new thing, the broader our horizon gets, this way we cover a larger area thus finding a sociological solution for the problem which one had to follow the same old way, less sociological, and more diverted to the self-interest of the maker. If someone faces a problem, he can always turn to history, “it’s all there in the books”. But why to enforce history to someone, this way we close his views to look at the problem in some other way, which in the long run might prove authentic and useful.

Imagine a young Einstein sitting in the class and listening to economics classes, just because his mother asked her to. That day, we would have seen the atom bomb and quantum mechanics hanging to the ceiling fan. True. Isn’t it? He did turn to history to search for the starters on which he laid up his brilliant theory which shook the whole foundation of classical physics, and introduced a whole new topic in the curriculum for the later scientists and researchers. This would not have happened if he would have been looking the way Newton did. The whole difference came just because of a difference.

The present society would have been something different and much more brilliant if we had seen some less stereotypical past. The more we close our eyes using the strangles of past, the harder our going gets. So break the chains and do stuffs the way you want to. No force in this universe has the authority to prove you wrong, except for the police department. So be something different, except being a criminal!

 Well I would take a leave now, see you in the next blog, till then take care.

Sayonara!

Luminosity Wrath

Loneliness and nostalgia had surmounted me totally. In order to get some blank space, i decided to go on a stroll after my dinner at around 8 in evening. A fine evening it was. Whenever I am low on myself, or kind of overpowered by some thought, i take a break and go to the neighbouring park in my campus. I usually prefer night, because it’s soothing, more pleasant and less noisy, which i love the most about it.

I fastened up myself on the top of a rock, around 3 ft in height and have a broad cross section with a slope to ease people in sitting, which was kept over there. Lights all around, gave me a small headache, especially the huge halogen lamps fixed over the auditorium that would even scare the shit out of a demon! All of a sudden, the current went off. There was complete darkness all over except for the moonlight which made the place more soothing than anything imaginable. I looked all around, I could see nothing significant. It was as if, moon was having a special session with me in private, and it was pleasing. I could talk to myself, what did i do, what am i doing, what happened in my life, how do i tackle the further challenges, all of a sudden i could answer all these questions to myself. Strange it was! There was just 2 seconds back, when i was frustrated with all these questions, and it is now, when i am answering myself. I rejoiced all the wonderful limpid incidents that have imbibed in my brain over a period of time, and make me smile even at worst of situations when i remember.

Those 2 minutes of darkness, gave me a lifetime of clarity, ecstasy, joy and essentially, contentment which i was lacking for a long time. We all are potent enough to solve our problems and be what we actually are, but there’s too much of light in our lives. By light i mean, the “usuality” in our lives, the gradual grinding of moral ethics of a life. Every day we enter into an endless reign of competition, unfaithfulness, and discontentment and murder our true identity to live upto the standards set up by the society.

For once in a day, take out atleast 5 minutes and go to your terrace or a place devoid of external disturbances and where you can see the moon. Sit for a while and try talking to yourself. Discuss your problems with yourself and listen to yourself. I guarantee from my personal experience, you can find the perfect answer from yourself and after this you’ll be more content than you were ever before. Mark my words, once you are alone and you start believing yourselves you become the best counsellor for your own good, ever existing in the world.

Mark these immortal words of Swami Vivekananda:-

"We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act."

The Masks we Wear

Masks have been a reason for nightmares since i was a kid. Though popular with a notion of being funny, i hate them. To me masks are the most dangerous weapons ever invented by the human race. Not much of my ideology has changed with my maturity. We still wear masks, most of us! And live our life in a manipulated manner.

A musician applying for a job which restricts him to play any further shows, justifies the fact that he’ll leave music for the sake of the job, has wore mask. A dad pretending to be sick to reach home early to go out for a movie wears a mask. We are surrounded by millions of masked men and women. We hide our individuality behind the mask so that people can’t see our true colours and we are tuned to their needs and essentially forsaking our own. And i strongly believe this as the prime reason for problems behind every relationship. We don’t show our true colours at the start, pretend to be what the other person idealises us to be and finally end up being someone else. This is why most often we hear “you’re not the same man whom i love” or “you’re not the same woman i married”. We are so eager to present ourselves in a manner which is more appreciated by others that we forget we’re not what we are showing.

Almost everyone of us including me, we want to be accepted everywhere, may it be a job interview or a proposal. We want to be the smiling one. But a smile just costs you to be yourself everytime. Now most of you will put up this indispensable question, what if i show my true self and i get rejected? But atleast you won’t suffer and live a life where you’re allowed to think and act freely. Besides, there will be someone else who might need someone just the way you actually are, and you can be happily employed there. Not just that, you will be able to give your best. Suppose a guy wants to propose a girl. The girl is more into fantasy, dreams, music, dance and lives life like a free bird. But the guy is all packed up, no compromises, hates music, is basically a workaholic who hates everything else. If i ask you, will these two be perfect for a relationship? Obviously no! And if either of them pretends to be like the other, they will end up totally dissatisfied and a life full of sorrows. The same goes to our life in a generalised aspect.

We are so spellbound by the diversified manifestations that we want to fit amongst any such manifestation. But forget, we ourselves are manifested. And by not witnessing the unification of divine in it, we can’t be true to ourselves. Divinity in you is more expressive than suppressive, so express yourself. Be what you truly are and see the world grow lunatic after you.

 The people who love you, do it for what you are. And the people you want to impress don’t give a damn of what you do. So why bother so much. Live your life to the fullest, enjoy, have fun, love, do whatever you want in your own way. And the next time you witness a problem remember it was just because you showed someone what you aren’t truly you are facing it. So nourish your life with memories of yours and those who love you. Try understanding this cute line by a small girl

“sleeping was I in the deepest of nights, then came a masked man whose face was of my father, he removed the mask and kissed me on my cheeks, and then i saw him to be my father”

when i heard my heart Beat !!

I just finished my shower, and came to my room. I saw into the mirror, and i was frozen thinking about what’s gonna happen in a period of time. I had my first show at Chennai, starting in half an hour. I wore a white kurta, and brought back my cool. Performing at shows wasn’t a new stuff for me, but this time it was Chennai. I had no clue what kind was the crowd into, and i being a tablist could make what range of impression. The choice of the people varies according to the region. It’s like, when you go to Punjab, one has to transform into their pattern, like bhangra beats, which are more energetic than soothing, which will maintain the decorum of the audience’s adrenaline flow. When you go to cities like Delhi, there are people who are very enthusiast about the Indian classical music, and they do encourage it, so one has to get back to the books and prepare well. But for the case of southern part of India, it’s different. Here, the classical stuff which is the vibration of its own soil is carnatic. I heard carnatic music being played on doordarshan, my insight was restricted only to the tv show. Now the question was what pattern do i mould myself into to be appreciated by the crowd? Keeping my cool, i left my room for the show, called my mother, which i do every time i am confused. I don’t ask her for suggestions, i just listen to her voice and it solves the problem at least to 50 %. Anyways, mom was like, don’t worry son, you’ll do well. That boosted my confidence, but only to the extent, complan boosts a kid’s height. I had to play for the first two songs. As the saying goes, “the first impression is the last impression”, so was it in my mind that time. I had to give a good performance in order to make the audience remember the evening resounding with tabla beats. There was certain microphone problem, so the synthesizer couldn’t be fixed properly, they needed more time, as in around 20 minutes. But the audience had gone crazily lunatic screaming, i don’t know what happened to me, but i told to fix the microphone that works, to tabla, and you guys start repairing the other microphone. I was on stage now. I had to amuse the crazy crowd and entertain them for 20 minutes, that too solo! Having no other instrument to give the tune, and amuse the crowd with a piece of wood which most people have forgotten that it exists, that’s actually a herculean task. Now, the microphone was kept near it for the sound to reach everyone’s ears. So, this was my go, either I make them dance and live it, or have stones thrown at me. And believe me, if at any point, the audience weren’t satisfied, they won’t hesitate throwing whatever they got on you. I had to start for sure. I went clueless, a crowd of around 1000, staring at my hand movements. It was more of a test, my hands went chilled, and heart starting beating slow. I closed my eyes, i couldn’t see anything, i couldn’t hear the crowd howling, all i could hear was my heart beat. It was as if somebody took me in a time travel, where i am travelling faster than light, so my heart beat had reduced, i could count it, it went 1, 2, 3... i had to get back to the stage mentally else, situation may get worse, and then 9, and the 10th beat was a very long gap, it was as if somebody told me, “ don’t bother about what the people like, you are a musician, you got some talents, be proud of it. You play good, so no matter what kind of audience you face just play your way”. The last phrase was all i had in my brains “play your ways”. I opened my eyes, and am back to the stage. I started, to play with a very basic beat, and promised myself, am not gonna think what to play, just play. And i did so, i could feel the warmth of energy which was flowing through the crowd. That moment was magical. For me, it was all where i wanted to be. There was nothing before it, nothing after it, just me, my tabla that’s all. Even though i try to remember the beats i played that night, i can’t. They just don’t come to me. As if everything came from the heart and it went to my hands to play the tabla. I bookmark it as 1 of my finest shows, where even solo did a marvellous job. Though we all are at stage of transition, there are something’s you want to stick to, even though people call you old fashioned, i guess that’s because, it’s your identity. A hearty request to all of you reading, know yourself, you are worth knowing, and don’t change yourself just because someone else told you to, for god won’t be happy seeing you live somebody’s life, when he gave you yours.

Everything is Destined

There’s a huge misunderstanding in the phrase used as the title, among people. This misunderstanding creates a delusion in the society, the delusion that there’s no need to work. If one is destined to get money, he will get it by any means no matter he works for it or not, no matter he earns it or not. That’s what lot of people perceive about the phrase which at some point has to meet its apocalypse if they have to sustain their livelihood. Our society is weaved with set of ideals and norms. These norms when followed in the proper context, in the proper situation will make the present a limpid past for the next generation, to be specific, our children. Human, being the most sophisticated creature of god’s creation, continues to justify its supremacy in every aspects of life because of the self improvising ability imbibed in him by the god himself. When we leave everything for the fate to decide, that gives a blow to god that the machine which you made with an intention that it would change the whole face of the society to a place where we earn the right to call him back to earth and appreciate the good work done by us, is a failure. Human is not just a piece of flesh running since the heart is beating, rather the heart is beating since it has to contribute his talent to the society for its development. Everyone has the right to think in the way, he thinks it to be justifying. But if this thinking makes you just sit at a place do nothing and leave everything to fate, it’s gonna uproot the ethical empire which was set up with a beautiful vision by our fore-fathers.
This phrase might have come up with an intention, when everything is destined, why worry about future, rather live in the present. We plan for our future, we mustn’t live in it. One has so many beautiful relations to take care of, somewhere one is a dad, who gets refreshed looking at the cute and innocent face of his daughter after returning from a tiring day at office, somewhere one is a sister, who fights all the time with her brother, but can’t live a single second without him. We have hell of responsibilities to take care of. If we forsake all on the name of fate or the whole concept that everything is destined we are gonna be useless piece of bloody nobody who has no value in the society. God would never be happy to see us live a life of nobody when he gave us the holy body of a human. Leave god of this topic, when you see yourself in the mirror, you won’t be able to see yourself anymore, all you’ll see is a huge jackass who is good for nothing. So guys gear up, work until you achieve something significant to your own individuality.